As I sit here at my computer the second week that school has been closed due to the Corona virus, I have been thinking about some of the issues we have been focusing on. One of those issues is dealing with anger.
A lot of people are staying home more, going out less, and spending more time with loved ones. Spending time a lot of time with family is great but it can come with challenges and frustrations which can turn into anger especially with brothers and sisters. It is easy to become angry at them and resort to hitting or saying things that we might regret later. Read the following story and we will discuss it afterwords.
Once, there was a young boy. This boy had problems controlling his anger. When he got angry, he would say the first thing that came to mind, even if it affected people.One day, his father gifted him a hammer and a bundle of nails, then said, “Whenever you get mad, hammer a nail into the backyard fence.
”In the first days, the boy used up half of the nails. Over the next weeks, he used up fewer nails, until his temper was under control. Then, his father asked the young boy to remove a nail for each day he didn’t lose his temper.
On the day when the boy removed his last nail, his father told him, “You have done good, boy. But, can you see the holes in the wall? The fence is never going to be the same. Likewise, when you say mean things in anger, you’ll leave a scar.”
I like the example that the father gives about the holes in the fence. In the heat of the moment, we say and do things that have long lasting consequences. We can apologize, but we have affected that person and our relationship with them at a much deeper level.
It can take years rebuilding something that was said or done in just a few moments. I have talked to people who have become so angry that they lose control of their mental abilities and black out. At that point, they do not remember what they did or said when they were angry. Being that angry is scary. All anger progresses along a continuum towards loss of control.
When we are angry we need to work on slow deep breaths and remove our self from the situation if possible. When people get angry, they tend to take short puffy breaths. These kind of breaths deprive the brain of oxygen and the person becomes less rational and cannot think clearly.
Keeping your distance and getting an angry person to verbalize (talk about) how they are feeling, are great things you can do to help them calm down. Getting them to talk engages their brain helping them diffuse the situation. It also gets them to breathe deeper and get more oxygen to the brain.
Email me if you are having anger problems and we will try to address them.
Until next time, enjoy this video, and realize that anger does not solve our problems, it only makes them worse.
Mr. Joe
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